one year. three hundred and sixty-six [hello leap year] days. twelve months. that is how much time has passed [come monday] since the day our sweet finley kai was born. june 13, 2015, i remember it like it was yesterday. probably because i swear it was. time is a beautiful beast of a blessing, isn’t it?
the week you were born, i was feeling contractions on and off. daily. hourly. on friday, they were a bit more continuous, not extremely painful, but there. around 5:00pm i decided i should make a trip to the hospital. you see, i was already 4cm dilated and 80% effaced and completely terrified of having you at home. so i grabbed grandma, and we headed to her work, the hospital where i would be delivering you. we slipped into a room and she put me on the monitor. contractions were coming, but not close enough to be in labor. we sat there for about 45 minutes, just watching the screen and talking, mostly about you. the nurse came in and said she could check me if i wanted, just to give me a little peace of mind. i absolutely was on board with this idea! to our surprise, i was now 5cm and even more effaced and with that, the doctor was called. while the nurse stepped out to call, i remember calling your dad and telling him that it was just a false alarm and that since we were in town, we should all meet up for pizza [biggest pregnancy craving and well, okay it’s always a craving], that we would be leaving the hospital soon. several minutes passed and in came the nurse. we would not be getting that pizza. your doctor decided we needed to stay. you were coming!
i remember going through every emotion. i think the hardest part of pregnancy is the uncertainty of when baby is coming. how baby will come. how far along baby will be. i was overjoyed that i would be meeting you sometime soon. that in a short while i would know if you were a tiny baby boy or a sweet little girl. would you look like daddy? what color hair would you have? and then the nerves set in too. holy crap i have to birth another baby! phone calls were made, and soon everyone started arriving to the hospital. and you better believe that room was filled with essential oils. balance + serenity in the diffuser. clary calm on pressure point and tummy to get things going. deep blue all over my back, you know, every 5 minutes. i’m pretty positive you could probably smell my room from the hospital entrance.
around 8pm the doctor came in to break my water. i stayed 5cms for quite some time. probably because i laid in that bed, just waiting for something to happen. ha. throughout my pregnancy i decided that i really want to try delivering with no medicine. some thought i was completely crazy [cue grandma + daddy] when i told them this, others were completely supportive. i guess i never thought i would end up making it through the delivery without getting an epidural at some point, so i never mentally prepared myself. luckily, i had my mom, who is an ob nurse, a friend, and my photographer in the room. all three had natural births. i leaned on them so much during your birth.
by 10pm i had progressed to about 7cms. until then, labor wasn’t too bad. there we’re lots of giggles + walks + massages. honestly, i was quite surprised at how well my body was handling it. having an epidural with hayden at 5cms, i really did not know what to expect, other than that i would most likely need to get the epidural. well then came the peanut pillow. um hello, game changer. after that i started progressing extremely fast. the room could not be cold enough and i was completely starting to rethink my ‘birthing plan’. i couldn’t get comfortable to save my life and i just remember moving constantly. honestly, the rest is kind of a painful blur. i remember looking over to my mom and telling her i couldn’t wait any longer and needed to push this baby out. i was just getting ready to start when in walked our doctor. everyone said it was just like the movies, you know, where the doors go swinging open and the doctor slips on their scrubs and rushes over. three sets of pushes and six minutes later i heard the sweetest cry accompanied by, “it’s a baby boy!”
our precious baby boy, he was here. 12:58am. all eight pounds, 20.25 inches of him. twelve days early. in that moment i completely ‘forgot’ that i was just finding out what you were. i think my mama heart knew all along that you were our little boy. i was the least bit shocked. the next moments were spent with happy tears, kisses, and i love yous. staring at you in awe and just soaking you all in. the world was ready to meet you, to meet finley kai.