hi guys. it’s been a minute. i am not sure to know how to even begin, other than that i have been in one terrible funk lately. i haven’t even wanted to sit down to leave my thoughts here, but at the same time i wanted nothing more than just that. i just couldn’t get myself to do it. the tiredness is real. the struggle is real. the grey in the sky isn’t helping. and this is bound to sound like a cry for help. and i promise it’s not. and i promise to not complain often. but here’s what i know:
- life is tough. and inability to make decisions is not helping. there’s a constant argument going on in my head. did i make the right choice? i know i didn’t. wait this could be good. it’s like it’s on a loop, playing over and over again. but then again, life would not be life if it wasn’t tough. tough makes us stronger. tough builds our character. and tough doesn’t have to be tough with trusting in Him.
- mothering is hard. it’s most definitely not all sunshine and rainbows in this house, with a three-nager and a terrible two-er on the rise. i always thought i had “patience”, that was until the moment i had my beautiful babies. i lack it. severely. and most days my temper gets the best of me. but every day i pray to be better; to show more love. and every day grace showers over me.
- everyone is tired. honestly, as we were sitting down to dinner, i told cory that all i wanted to do was go to bed. and this has been my struggle lately. call it this funky winter or the mommy chaser in me, but i.am.so.tired. but here’s the thing, i am pretty sure everyone is tired. time to stop putting that one on the long list of excuses and here’s to a better go around of chasing those dreams.
- live for today. not for an hour from now. not for tomorrow, for this weekend. not for a few months down the road. or for next year. but for today. for this exact moment. i am always thinking ahead, and i worry. a lot. but it’s time to set those worries aside. worrying is such a thief of our time and our joy. and sadly, i am missing the special moments that are happening right in front of my eyes by thinking, planning, hoping, wishing for later.
so even though i may be feeling all of the feelings right now, and just plain b l a h, there’s always so much more to be thankful for. there’s always light shining. time to push the negativity aside. to rise every day with a kind, loving heart. and to always, always remember all of the good in my life.
- His grace
- my healthy, very active, strong willed little boys
- my husband + his hard work he does for our family
- our health
- the 24oz iced coffee i got today
- our warm home
- baby laughter
- pandora, for all the music + dancing that fills our home
- this space
- friends that listen to you vent
- ice cold la croix
- shameless for allowing me that mental break
- cute tiny clothing that makes this laundry pile beside me more fun
- the chocolate brownie cookie i am about to scarf down